About waiting, choosing and other ideas

Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big 'pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window', unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

Meredith Grey


In the end, it comes to this one simple choice, it's either me or anyone else. Like I said, maybe my sick, masochistic, selfish self is a bareer in the way of what should be. Maybe my fence is not keeping anyone out, maybe it's only holding me in.
But at that certain moment in time, when you realise all your hopes and dreams, and all you fears can't happen without him, and every song and movie and picture makes you imagine what he would think, then you are obsessed.

So pick me, choose me, love me.

"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

Expectations

Sometimes, things turn out a little bit different than what you would have tought they would come out. Sometimes, all the fears you have shape into an absolutely amazing present that is the exact form of your biggest dream. And then, you don't feel happy about it. Why? Because you realise you are a pride-based organism that only functions on elation and that is constricted to suffer from not being able to show humility or obedience in the front of one type or another of feelings, which leads not only to the absence of happiness, but to the erasing of any humanity for a while.
My bareer of pride is something I am going to eventually tear down into pieces of my ugly past , leaving way for the utmost amazing future.

I want...

I've started to free myself of prejudice and of bariers, to let myself dream on as my true self and not as a syllicone mold, made out of social statistics, preconcieved ideas and mischief. I've realised that I am a strong person, I have a strong will and strong ideas and opinions, but that does not rob me of my sensibility and my tenderness, it does not make me imune to the desire to love and be loved back. I have come to see how my spirit rides alone in a world where everyone travels in packs, gathered together on terms of music taste, clothing taste and so on and so forth. I carry my own cross, interesecting paths with so many others, but so far, I haven't settled. Which makes it hard; it makes my life hard. I am a social butterfly, but at the same time, I'm a loner, a nomad. I pass through people's lives and then I leave. My memory in their hearts might remain for a while, but then it goes away : I'll always be that smiley girl that probably made them laugh for a while, then decided to carry on, to her next stop, to the next stranger that will tell her she's cute, or funny, or nice. And it will never stop. I'm always going to be a part of their past, as they will always be a part of my present.
But my destiny's path is tiring and it has grown to be over-exhausting. I have started to feel my chest crumble under the pressure and weight of loneliness.
Maybe I have great expectations of life, but my soul's only desire is not to find someone next to whom to settle and stay calm, but someone to run wild by my side, make some unforgetable memories with and help me keep weight off my shoulders.

Probabil ca da.

Maybe it's because she listens the same music as he does, or maybe because she's got funnier jokes. Or it may be because she's so much hotter and so amazing to hang to.
Or maybe it's because she's not a fashion obsessed freak as myself, or she doesn't have low self esteem or fuck knows.
I've come to realise I mean nothing for something that's everything for me.
Oh well, it'll pass. This one too. Don't they all do?

One

If you like 2 people at the same time, always choose the second, because if you would've wanted the first so badly, you wouldn't have even noticed the second.

Or not. We're designed to be social, to be surrounded by people and the fact that our hearts are controled by chemical impulses is surely not helpful either.
Maybe there are many pheromon smelling individuals out there. And maybe there is more than one perfect guy for me. And I get the chance to meet them all until I make a choice.
Or it's simply that one guy you know you shouldn't have, though you want him so much, therefor you seek refuge in the liking of other guys, hoping that eventually, you will stop liking the first one.
So it's not the second over the first, but the first over the many.

About irony and taking chances

Intotdeauna, sa gasesti un partener de viata de care sa te indragostesti, sa ajungeti intr-o relatie si sa traiti fericiti pana la adanci batraneti,ca in basme, pare sa fie secretul fericirii. Dar, poate ca nu e chiar asa . Cel putin, nu pentru mine. M-a lovit fericirea in fata si-am avut destul de mult curaj incat sa nu ma las doborata si sa-mi iau soarta de piept. Si-am esuat. Lamentabil. Am incercat, si-am pierdut. Apoi am castigat mai mult decat credeam c-am pierdut initial. N-am crezut niciodata ca un moment aparent atat de lipsit de importanta ar putea fi atat de special pentru mine. Fericirea nu se refera la o viata perfecta, ci la acel moment care iti face viata perfecta, oricate legi morale ar fi incalcat.